I was so in love with the father of my girls. I had his promise to marriage long before our girls were ever conceived. I thought he was “the one”. I never planned to give up my innocence and have children with a man that wasn’t going to be my husband. We had a family. I suffered through so much, attempting to save the family that I had with him. I compromised even more—until I realized that I was done compromising myself—particularly who I am in Christ.
So, yes, I did go through stages of mourning. At first, my grieving was unknowingly delayed because for the first time, I suddenly had complete responsibility for providing for my girls financially, emotionally, and spiritually. For the first time, I was a single mom with three children under the age of five. I was distracted by intense responsibility. But the cycle of anger, resentment, sadness, reasoning with myself and trying to make sense of it all, was intense—all while also attempting to maintain my sanity and health as a mom.
Yes, I did grieve the loss of the family I had, wanted to have, and thought I could have had with him. I was told once not to say that I lost the family that I had with him. But it’s the truth. I did lose the family that I had with him. I have accepted that. Acceptance—intellectually the final stage of grief. Though from time to time the sadness creeps back up. But then I remember God’s word that’s written on my heart. He will give me beauty for my ashes, a crown of joy for my shame, and the oil of joy for mourning. God loves me. And because of His love and faithfulness demonstrated in my life, I’ve grown to believe that in this lifetime, even though we lose people, possessions, statuses, and titles, there is no true loss in Jesus. He is able to give you above and beyond what you could ever think, ask or imagine. What’s ahead of you is far greater than what is behind you. You are more than enough—made in His image. What God truly has for you cannot be lost, or taken away. If he allowed you to “lose” it, he has something greater in store. Trust His plan. Allow yourself to grieve the loss. But don’t stay there in that dry place. Pick yourself up and press on! For God has a great calling and purpose on your life! Amen!
Psalms 30:11 “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.”
Isaiah 61: 1-3 “ The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim the liberty of the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
Philippians 3:7-8, 12-14 “But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ…Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”